


Hold my hand

by panickingsinners



Category: Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anxiety, Blurryface, Depression, Friendship, Gay, High School, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-01-25 02:03:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21348445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panickingsinners/pseuds/panickingsinners
Summary: Tyler had never expected to fall in love with this cute coffee boy. And most definitely he had never expected the cute coffee boy to fall in love with him...~Tyler hates his life. He is finishing up his last year of high school in a new school and a completely new state, where he recently moved to. And if that isn’t already causing enough stress, he’s dealing with his own mental struggles. It is not until he meets the cute coffee boy that he’s starting to feel better, maybe even happy. But as we all know, happiness can never last forever, and it doesn’t take long before things start spiralling down…
Relationships: Josh Dun & Tyler Joseph, Josh Dun/Tyler Joseph
Comments: 25
Kudos: 31





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
This my first time ever writing a fan fiction/ writing a story so big. So please keep that in mind while reading this, as well as that English isn't my first language (If you spot any mistakes, please let me know!).  
I'll also probably not update a ton, since I'm super slow at writing and school is keeping me busy most of the time.  
Anyways, that was my little disclaimer.  
Hope you enjoy reading this!

Tyler hated his life.

Not in an “I’m so depressed because my coffee is too hot to drink” way, because that’s just overreacting.

He hated his life because of the fact that he moved to a whole different state, left behind the only few friends he had, and was now crying in the bathroom of the school because he felt so horrible.

This maybe doesn’t sound as bad to most people, but for Tyler making friends and being social was very difficult. He had always found it incredibly hard to talk to people, ever since he could remember. Even back in kindergarten, while the other kids played outside together and started forming friendships, he retreated himself to a corner to read a book. He couldn’t just _talk _to people, and his heart already started raising if he realised someone was only staring at him.

When he was 7 or so, and still didn’t have any friends, his mother brought him to a doctor. They ran all sorts of test, and diagnosed him with anxiety. At the time he didn’t even know what it was, and what sort of effect it would have on the rest of his life. He got pills. Luckily they worked most of the time. But on some days his anxiety took over and became so bad that he couldn’t even leave his bed. On those days he could see the worry in his mom’s eyes, and it made him feel even worse. She shouldn’t be effected by _his_ stupid illness.

When he came to his teenage years and started high school, things started spiralling down even more. The stress of being in a new class, and the incredible amounts of homework were starting to take a toll on him. He started to fail classes which, of course, disappointed his parents, and he eventually started hating himself. The day he started cutting himself was one he rather forgot.

Another stream of tears fell down Tyler’s face when he thought back to this. It was the moment he fucked up his life for real.

His mom had noticed his cuts and scars after a few weeks. “What have you done” was the only thing she had to say, her face filled with disappointment and worry. He couldn’t look her in the eyes, where tears were forming. Even more medicines were prescribed to him, this time to try and cure depression. It helped, but it left him feeling even more empty than he ever did before.

Besides the pills he needed to go to group meetings with other depressed and anxious people. He didn’t say a lot, but it was comforting to hear that other people had the same struggles as he had. There was one girl in particular he related to a lot. Her name was Jenna. One time after a meeting, she walked towards him and, surprisingly, they started talking. Their interactions were pretty awkward at first, but after a few months of talking they were best friends. Jenna was the only person Tyler could trust with his problems. He had never realised before how nice it could be to have a friend. They did everything together, and Tyler was doing fine. So good actually, that he wouldn’t even notice it if he accidently forgot to take his pills.

Everything was great.

Until his parents decided to move away to a _whole different state. _

“Jezus christ!”

Tyler was startled out of his thoughts. In his panic he had forgot to lock the bathroom door.

_Fuck_. It couldn’t be worse than this.

An intimidating looking guy stood in front of him, chewing some gum and wearing a leather jacket.

Brendon Urie.

In the few days Tyler had been at this school, he had learned not to fuck with Brendon. He was considered to be the ‘king’ of the school. Everyone loved him, but was scared of him at the same time. And, of course, he happened to be in Tyler’s class.

“Here you are…” Brendon said with annoyance in his voice, rolling his eyes. “Mr. Mendez send me out to find you. I searched the whole fucking building and now yo….”

Tyler had lifted his head while Brendon was speaking. He could now see his red eyes and wet face.

The expression in Brendon’s face changed completely by the sight of this. He didn’t look much intimidating anymore, but more worried.

“Holy shit, are you okay?” He said with soft and caring voice, taking a step towards Tyler to put his arm around him. Tyler’s body shivered. He didn’t like physical contact that much.

“mhm” is the only sound Tyler could make, before he started tearing up again.

_Well, if you didn’t look like loser already, you sure now do. _He thought. He really wished he could just flush himself down the toilet and disappear. Although that would be kinda disgusting. Never mind.

Brendon sighted, and started patting Tyler’s back to try and comfort him.

A few minutes passed with the only noise being made coming from Tyler’s sobbing.

“Do you.. wanna talk about why you left half way through the lesson and locked yourself up in here?” Brendon said with a little chuckle following. Their position was getting a bit uncomfortable, since they were in a tiny toilet cubicle, with Tyler sitting on the close lit with his legs up to his chest. Brendon shifted from beside Tyler to his front to look him in the face.

“I don’t know” Tyler sniffed, trying to stop crying. “It’s- it’s stupid, and why would you care anyways?” He tried to stand up and leave, but Brendon gently pushed him to sit back.

“No it probably isn’t.. I don’t know what you’re going through, but I do know you’re over here crying, and you’re definitely not okay” he sighted. “You know, everyone has their shit, and if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s okay… But know that I’ll listen. You can trust me.” He gave Tyler a soft smile.

Brendon’s words felt very comforting to Tyler, and he didn’t know why. Was this really the intimidating looking guy that everyone was scared of? He had seen him caught up in a fight in the hallway only a few days prior.

But, for some reason, at that moment, Tyler decided that he could trust Brendon.

“Will you listen to me then?” He said with a shaky voice.

Brendon nodded his head.

And that’s when Tyler told him everything.

~

Now it’s been a month or two since these events at the school toilet happened. Tyler and Brendon never went back to that class, and, instead, Brendon had took him to Taco Bell because “Mental health is more important than school. Besides, I would always prefer Taco Bell over school.” And while they ate their taco’s and talked about random stuff, and sometimes a bit more serious stuff, it felt like they had never not known each other. A new friendship had been born, and Tyler didn’t feel as lonely as he used to feel before. Having a friend really helped him.

Tyler had used Brendon as a way to dump all his thoughts and feelings, but sometimes Brendon would do the same. Behind the cool kid mask was a very hurt kid hidden, with a background of abuse and more messed up stuff. Tyler felt bad for prejudging him so much.

The seasons were changing, and soon autumn break would start. Everyone seemed to look forward to finally having a week off (although they still had some assignments to finish during it) and on the last Friday before their well-deserved vacation, no one really felt like putting any more effort in school work for the day. So by the time the last bell rang, everyone basically raced out the doors of the school, and Brendon obviously wasn’t the exception..

“I can’t believe we’re _finally_ released from this prison!”

He sighed, twirling around, his head looking up to the sky. Dark clouds had started forming above them, and it would soon start raining.

Tyler chuckled and followed Brendon to the parking lot. He didn’t have a car nor his driver’s licence yet, so Brendon had made the effort to take him and bring him to school for the past few weeks. The first few droplets of rain started falling, and now Tyler looked up as well. He had always found rain very interesting. It had a form of comfort to it. He must have stared into the sky a bit too long, because when he shifted his head down again, a concerned look had replaced the big smile on Brendon’s face from a few moments ago.

“Are you okay?”

He asked while raising one of his eyebrows.

“Yeah I’m fine. Just tired, ya know”

Tyler answered, sighing as he pulled open the door of the passenger seat and sat down. Sure, he was delighted that he finally had some time off, not really needing to worry about school. But he would likely be spending most of his time alone in his bedroom. And those were the moments he would get lost in his thoughts, not in a pleasant way. Brendon would be away with his family for the whole week, somewhere to a lake or something (Brendon kind of hated it, but he really couldn’t escape this one)

“Alright then. You know you can tell me everything, right? And you can always call me during the week when you need to.”

Brendon had stepped into the car as well.

“Yeah, I know. But don’t be worried about me, I’ll be fine.” Tyler replied. “Besides, you should enjoy your week with your parents at the lake” He added with a smirk.

Brendon rolled his eyes, but smiled back. “Watch out, or I will take you with me!”

“Nah.. I’ll pass on this one I think”

They both were laughing at this point.

A minute of silence followed after their laughter slowly died down. Brendon has started up the car and had left the parking lot.

“You know, I actually don’t want to go home yet. Let’s grab some coffee” He suggested.

Tyler only answered with a simple nod. He could actually really use some caffeine right now. It took them a couple of minutes, while blasting a few songs on the radio, before parking at the nearest coffee shop.

“I think this one is new… or, at least, I haven’t been here yet.”

“Me neither” Tyler simple added.

They had both left the car by now, and were walking towards the entrance of the building. The inside of the shop was filled with bookshelves, and multiple corners to sit. It gave of a calm and cosy vibe to Tyler, which he quite liked.

“Let me get the coffee, while you find a place to sit.” He turned towards Brendon who was behind him. “Just plain black, right?”

“yup. Gotta get as much caffeine as possible, right?” He smiled back. “I think I’m gonna sit at the window over there, by the way” Brendon pointed at a small table, locates next to a big window that looked out on the street. He gave Tyler a pat on his shoulder after which he walked away.

Tyler made his way to the bar, where there luckily was no line. That was probably the reason why no one was standing behind it to serve the customers. After looking around to see if there was anyone, he pushed on the tiny bell that was located on the bar. It only took a few seconds before a guy appeared from behind the door that had the words “Private” written on it.

“Hello, can I help you?”

Tyler looked up and his eyes met the glistering ones of a boy around his age. He had spoken with a bright grin on his face. Tyler noticed he had a nose piercing (he was probably a punk. Tyler liked that), and couldn’t help but stare at the dark brown curly hair. It looked_ very_ soft. He shook his head, trying to push away his thoughts.

“Uhm, y-yeah” he stuttered, trying to hide his blushing face by looking down to the ground. “One plain black and, eh, one cappuccino please” he managed to bring out.

_Why do you need to be so awkward? _

“Okay, that will be 6,50 in total then.” The stranger answered. “What’s your name?” Tyler looked up, surprised by this question, before realizing that it was a normal thing to be asked when you’re ordering coffee.

“Uh, Tyler.” He replied

“Okay then. I’ll be done in a sec” The stranger added with a chuckle. Tyler grabbed his wallet to pull out some cash, while the coffee-boy walked over to prepare the order.

_So that’s what you’re calling him. Coffee-boy. _He told himself inside his head. He sighed. He really couldn’t use it to start crushing on a stranger. _A cute stranger, _he added.

It hadn’t been very long ago since he really started accepting his sexuality. Or at least that he liked boys too. He wasn’t sure how to label it yet. Besides, he hadn’t told anyone about it. And he wasn’t really planning on doing so any time soon.

“Here ya go” Coffee boy said while he put two cups on the counter. Tyler looked up again to hand over the cash.

“oh, that’s fifty cents too less” coffee boy chuckled.

_Fuck. _

Tyler could have killed himself right there and then. While he was so caught up in his own thoughts, he had forgotten to recount the amount of money he had grabbed.

“Oh shit, uhm, I’m so sorry” He said, grabbing an extra dollar, and handing it over to the coffee boy. “You can keep the change” he added, nervously running a hand through his hair.

“Ahw, thank you! And seriously, no need to apologize. We humans forget things all the time.”

Once again, coffee boy had a big grin appearing on his face.

“Yeah I guess so” Is the only thing Tyler could mumble back, now also smiling.

“Anyways, enjoy your coffee, Tyler.”

Tyler just nodded back as a sign of “thank you” while taking the two cups in his hands. He was blushing again. And before he even noticed it, he was sitting across from Brendon at a small table next to the window.

“Well that took long.” Brendon looked up from his phone. “Better hope that the coffee is good.” He now noticed Tyler’s still smiley and blushing face.

“Wow, what’s up with you!” He blurred out, a smile appearing on his face.

“Oh, uh, nothing” Tyler could feel his cheeks becoming even more red than they already were.

“Yeah.. Sure… Tomato head” Brendon replied with a teasing tone to his voice.

Luckily he now grabbed his cup and started drinking the coffee. Tyler did the same, basically burying his face inside the cup so Brendon wouldn’t notice the little chuckle he let out.

“Damn, this coffee is actually good!”

Brendon let out. He started telling Tyler some random story about coffee, but Tyler wasn’t really paying attention. All he could think about right now was that cute boy he had just met. He should ask him his name next time he decided.

_Next time._

He knew for sure that he would be coming back to this place soon.

_If only to see that cute boy again. _


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is selfharm happening in this chapter/mentioning of suicide. If you don't feel comfortable reading that, make sure to comment so i can give you a summary of the chapter.  
stay alive frens ||-//

_Tyler was walking in a desert. He had been walking for what felt like hours, without any stop, and he hadn’t drank any water. The thirst was hard to ignore by now, and with every step he set, he felled his body becoming heavier and heavier. But he kept going. There should be something in this endless nothing, right? At some point he would find a place to drink water. He continued. _

_It had been another hour or so. Tyler couldn’t tell. He had lost track of time. Sweat was dripping down his face. His limbs became less functional, and his pace became slower by every second passing. There was a pain going through his head. It felt like someone was pushing a knife through his skull and kept pushing further and further. It was like his own thoughts were killing him slowly. He still hadn’t found a drop of water. _

_“You’re never gonna find water”_

_“Just stop trying”_

_“No one cares about you. Otherwise someone would have come and saved you, right?”_

_He started crying. Although that would cause his body to lose more water. He went on._

_Tyler thought he couldn’t walk any further. He felt dizzy, and was going to pass out any moment. He closed his eyes. He fell down onto his knees, into the desert sand. He couldn’t continue._

_He sat there for some time. With no recollection of how much time had passed, he opened his eyes. _

_In front of him had appeared a small box. It was very familiar to him. _

_“Open it.” Said the voice inside his head._

_Without hesitation, he opened the box. This was the only way out of this nightmare._

_Inside were a few razorblades. Nothing special to normal people. But these small sharp metal objects had caused Tyler so much pain the past few years. And although he hated it, he kept coming back to them. _

_He got them out of the box with shaky hands. He swallowed the tiny bit of humidity left in his mouth to easy the dryness in his throat. _

_Before he knew it, he had slit the metal across his arm. Dark red liquid dripped down on the desert sand below him. _

_“Good job.” The voice in his head said. _

_At this moment, Tyler started to feel the unbearable pain. He felt like he was gonna pass out. _

_Shit shit shit. _

_Suddenly the realisation of what he had done hit him._

_He was dying.._

_Before he knew he felt really dizzy._

_And that’s when he passed out._

Tyler woke up, covered in sweat, his breathing irregular and his heart beating fast.

His dreams always seemed to go this way. He would walk in a desert, no food or water. Eventually he would give up, and end up killing himself. Sometimes it were razorblades, sometimes a gun, sometimes the first sharp object that came to mind.

Tyler looked over to the alarm clock located next to his bed. It read exactly 4 am. With a sigh he slowly got out of bed, not trying to wake up his brother, sleeping at the other side of the room. He silently walked to the bathroom, blinking his eyes a few times when turning on the light. After drinking a few glasses of water, he sat down on the closed toilet lid. His breathing had returned back to normal, but he was still feeling this panicking feeling throughout his body.

_Why can’t I just sleep normally for one night?_

He kept having this returning nightmare for a few weeks now, and it still scared him every time. It was like his mind was giving him a punishment for feeling a bit more happy the past few weeks.

After rubbing his fingers over his temple, to hopefully easy the still occurring pain inside his head, he walked back towards his bed. Even though he wasn’t looking forward to having any sort of dream or nightmare right now, he should still try and get some sleep. Thinking about sleep, he actually felt really tired. It took him one last look at the alarm clock, – 4:10 – Before he closed his eyes and slowly drifted back to sleep.

~

Tyler had actually slept for about 6 more hours before his brother had woken him up. Luckily, the nightmare hadn’t returned, which he was pretty thankful for. After he quickly cleaned himself up and changed into some clothes, he headed downstairs for breakfast. His whole family had been up for a few hours already, even though it was Saturday, so now he was eating some cereal on his own. Not that it really mattered to Tyler that he was eating alone. Breakfasts and dinners with his family were always very awkward, and there was mostly only talked about school and work.

The headache from last night had calmed down a bit, but there was still this stabbing feeling left inside his head. He really could use some coffee right now.

_Coffee…_

Suddenly, the picture of the cute coffee boy appeared in his head again.

_No. You can’t be thinking about stuff like that_. He shook his head to try and forget.

But, before Tyler knew it, he had told his mom that he was going to go to a friend’s house or something, (in the haste he couldn’t remember what he had said) and he was now walking towards the coffee shop that he and Brendon had visited less than 24 hours ago. It took him only about fifteen minutes to get to the location.

_What are you doing?_

The voice inside his head was protesting, but Tyler was already opening the door to go inside. He hoped that the boy was even there, otherwise he would’ve come all the way over here for nothing. Well, he would still be able to get coffee of course.

Now he was standing in line in front of the cash register. He tried to subtly look over the head of the people in front of him, and here he was, the coffee boy, looking straight back at him. A smile appeared on the boy his face. Tyler quickly looked back down, starting to blush again. He seriously started to question why he had come here in the first place. But he already couldn’t ignore the crazy happy feeling he felt throughout his whole body.

Before he really noticed, it was his turn.

“You here again?” Coffee boy said with a kind tone.

“Uhm, yeah, I-I guess”

Coffee boy now giggled. Tyler had to try really hard to not get distracted and only look at coffee boy’s soft lips, that still curled up into a smile on his face.

“So… What do you wanna order?”

“Oh, eh, a cappuccino, please” Tyler now also smiled.

“Alright then, your order will be done in a minute, Tyler”

_He remembered my name. He remembered my name._

“You remember my name” He said it before he could stop his mouth from speaking.

Coffee boy laughed.

“Yeah, how could I forget?”

He turned around to prepare Tyler’s order.

Tyler now couldn’t ignore the butterflies in his stomach. He felt like he was going to explode. With tingling hands, Tyler grabbed his wallet to pay, making sure he got the right amount of money this time. With a bit extra, of course.

It didn’t take long before his order was ready.

“Here ya go” Coffee boy said as he put the cup on the bar. “That will be four dollars.”

Tyler handed him the money, and with that, his and coffee boy’s hand touched.

A shock was send through Tyler’s body. Even though the contact only lasted a second at max, the only thing he could think about was that this boy’s hands were _very _soft.

“K-keep the change” He managed to bring out. He could feel he was blushing once again. Or maybe he never really stopped blushing throughout all of this.

“Thank you so much! Not many people are that kind nowadays” coffee boy replied, while putting the money into the cash register.

“You know, you’re so awkward Tyler.” He added. “I love it” He chuckled after saying this.

_Oh my god_

“Thanks, I guess” Tyler shrugged “Although it’s not something I’m necessarily proud of”

Coffee boy let out a small giggle.

A silence of only a few seconds followed, (although it felt like a few minutes to Tyler) only to be broken again by coffee boy.

“Anyways, enjoy your coffee. And have a nice day, Tyler” He said with a smile on his face.

_Does he ever stop smiling? _Was the only thing Tyler could think about.

“Thanks… Again.” Tyler replied, looking down at his shoes.

“And you have a nice day too”

He said, lifting his head to look at that beautiful face again, grabbing his coffee cup before turning around. He felt his hands were shaking a bit while opening the door to go outside. His heart was beating pretty fast. It felt like it could jump out of his chest any time soon. He started to focus on lowering his breath, while walking in some random direction.

_Breath in… Breath out…_

His therapist had advised him to do that when he felt his breathing was going too fast. Tyler shrugged. Maybe, in the end, therapists did help with something. After a minute or so, he managed to recollect himself.

He continued to walk in a random direction, not knowing where he was going. The weather in Ohio had been getting colder the past few weeks, and Tyler could feel the wind through the thin coat he was wearing. It gave him chills. He started to take sips of his coffee, going over the event that happened only a few moments ago. A smile appeared on his face again. Coffee boy said he loved Tyler’s awkwardness. Something Tyler still couldn’t wrap his mind around. Just like the fact that he had remembered his name. He wouldn’t if he didn’t have any interest in Tyler, right?

_Are you really crushing on someone? _

His smile only intensified. He really didn’t care anymore at this point. The only thing that mattered was that this boy made him very happy.

Without noticing, Tyler had found himself walking towards the park. He would come here often, especially after having a mental breakdown of sorts. It was a calm place, located in the middle of the busy city centre. It was pretty big, with a small lake, a flower field, and most important of all, a reasonably large forest. Tyler continued to walk into the park. The trees were coloured in a million hues of red, orange and yellow. Every few seconds, a leave would slowly whirl down, joining the colour pallet on the ground, which also included some browns.

It gave him a sense of joy, seeing all the beautiful things nature had created.

He continued walking down the paths, wandering further inside the woods. It became darker and darker as he travelled over the smaller becoming tracks. The loud noise of the city had been totally blocked out by the gloomy surroundings, only leaving the sounds of the few birds that hadn’t flown away yet to warmer areas.

Tyler sighed. He loved how comforting this place felt. Some people might be scared by the darkness and quietness, but Tyler enjoyed being here. Walking here helped him put his thoughts together, and if he had a mental breakdown and came here, he would always leave feeling more relieved.

By now, Tyler had reached the heart of the forest. There was an old, but still pretty, fountain located, daylight shining on it because of the opening in the trees above. Next to the fountain was a bench, and Tyler sat down. He spend a few minutes just looking at the surroundings and taking sips of his coffee. He sighed after swallowing the last bit, before moving over to the trashcan to throw away the cup.

That’s when Tyler noticed the writing on the cardboard wrap. It was normal to write down the name of the customer on there, but there was written _more_ on here than just his name.

Written on the cup was a phone number, with written underneath:

_text me :) _

Tyler couldn’t remember the last time he had run so fast in such a short amount of time. He had been dumb and had forgotten his phone at home. When he arrived, he had completely run out of breath. Without a second thought he entered through the backdoor, trying not to make too much sound and grab the attention of his parents. He sneaked upstairs as quietly as possible, ran inside his room, (first looking if his brother was there, who luckily was not there) and let himself flop onto the bed.

There was his phone, still connected to his charger.

A feeling of excitement filled Tyler as he unlocked the phone. He quickly put the phone number that was written on the cardboard wrap into his contacts. In the excitement of the moment, Tyler still hadn’t asked the name of the boy. For now he would just name him _Coffee boy. _It didn’t take long for he had filled in the information, and had clicked on the _text _icon. That’s when a panicking feeling started to brew inside his chest.

_What do you text as a first message to someone?_

_Shouldn’t you wait a bit longer? You’ll sound needy if you text him immediately._

There was some truth to that. Tyler let his back drop into the bed, and looked up to his phone. He probably laid there for a few minutes, typing multiple different first messages but deleting them before sending. A sigh escaped his mouth.

_Why was this so difficult?_

It had already been about 2 hours since he had ordered the coffee. That would be enough time to not overcome needy when sending a text, right?

_Hey_

Before he knew, he had send the text already. A new rush of panic went through his body. Tyler threw his phone to the other side of the bed, not wanting to get a response yet. He already regretted sending the text.

He laid there, going through thoughts of regret, repeating over and over in his mind.

That’s when he heard a ping.

_Oh god_

Although he was still laying on the other side of his bed, Tyler could see that he had received a message back from coffee boy. He debated if it would be smart to immediately go and read the message. Maybe that would give coffee boy the idea that Tyler was exceptionally waiting for a response from him.

But Tyler couldn’t resist the excitement anymore, so he rolled over to the other side to unlock his phone and read the message.

**Coffee boy: ** _I assume this is Tyler? :)_

_Shit. _He had completely forgotten to add his name to the text. He really wanted to hit himself in the head for his stupidity.

**Tyler: ** _Oh yeah, it’s me. Forgot to add that, haha_

**Coffee boy: ** _Haha, no problem. _

**Coffee boy: ** _hru?_

**Tyler: ** _What are you saying? Lolz_

**Coffee boy: ** _Oops. It’s a short term me and my friends use for “How are you”_

**Tyler: ** _Ah. Makes sense._

**Tyler: ** _But to answer your question, I’m doing fine. Hbu?_

**Coffee boy: ** _???_

**Tyler: ** _Well, I thought I’d join you with the abbreviations :) _

**Coffee boy: ** _Oh :)_

**Tyler: ** _:))_

**Coffee boy: ** _:))))_

**Tyler: ** _:))))))))))))_

**Tyler: ** _It means “How about you” btw_

**Coffee boy: ** _:::::))))))))))))_

**Coffee boy: ** _Oh well, I’m doing fine. Having my lunch break right now._

**Tyler: ** _nice ::;:;::;))(()())_

**Coffee boy: ** _Thought so too, haha ::;;;::::;;))))(()(:;;:::_

**Tyler: ** _Maybe we should stop sending these weird emoji’s ::::://////_

**Coffee boy: ** _Nah, it’s fun :p_

**Tyler: ** _Alright then ::;;::;:’’))(((_

**Coffee boy: ** _Shit, my break is almost over. Gotta go._

**Tyler: ** _Ahw :(((((((_

**Coffee boy: ** _Bye :)_

**Tyler: ** _Waitt, aren’t you gonna tell me your name? haha_

**Coffee boy: ** _Oh, thought you wouldve read it on my nsme plate. We all wear them iver here haha_

**Tyler: ** _oops. prolly was too busy looking at your face ;)))_

**Coffee boy: ** _i fe elfluttered_

**Coffee boy: ** _its Jish btw_

**Coffee boy: ** _Josh* oops_

**Tyler: ** _haha, okay, Jish_

Tyler quickly changed the name in his contacts to “_Jish”_

**Jish: ** _stoppp_

**Tyler: ** _nah.. jish :)_

**Jish: ** _It’s not my fault i jist cant type _

**Jish: ** _but I really gotta go, before m yboss gets angry_

**Tyler: ** _haha okay. Bye :)))_

**Jish: ** _bye <3_

Tyler didn’t think the smile that had appeared on his face would ever go away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaahh, can't wait to write more cute scenes these these smol beans.   
Also, thanks to everyone who has read this fic so far! Your comments really make me happy :)  
And sorry the chapters are a bit short compared to some other fics. I'm still learning how to write with more detail and stuff + this way I can post more chapter more often, I guess?  
I'll stop rambling now, haha  
:))))


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some stuff happening this chapter ;)

Tyler didn’t get a lot of sleep that Saturday night. It had become normal to him, rolling around in his bed to try and find a comfortable position, trying not to focus too much on his doubting thoughts about basically everything. He would just lay there for hours, overthinking every possible thing. But, surprisingly, it hadn’t bothered him that much this night at first. That was because he just couldn’t stop thinking about Josh, with his bright toothy smile, and his fluffy hair and- It gave him an unfamiliar feeling, something he had never felt before he met Josh. But he quite liked it. He could get used to this.

After Josh’s shift had ended at the coffee shop, they had been texting more. Tyler had spent most of his evening smilingly sitting on his bed with his phone in his hand. At one point his brother had even asked him why he was so happy. Tyler had just replied with blushingly saying “nothing”. His brother had raised an eyebrow, but hadn’t questioned any further.

In those few hours which he spend texting, he had gotten to know more about Josh, and Josh had gotten to know more about him. They had discovered that they actually went to the _same _high school (at least, from next week on), and that they were even in the same year. Josh had actually lived in Columbus for his whole life, but had been kicked out of his old school for doing something illegal (he didn’t want to tell Tyler why, because he was “too innocent”). And yes, younger Tyler would have been disgusted by such things, just like his very Christian parents, but it only seemed to make him like Josh more.

_He really really liked him._

So when it was time for Josh to sleep, because he had the morning shift the next day, Tyler had felt a bit sad. He had also gone and try to get some good sleep for once, but it hadn’t exactly worked out that well. At first because he was only thinking about that cute boy, but with the minutes passing, his thoughts had gone downhill, into the endless depths of his brain. Different scenarios started popping up in his mind. What if Josh actually never liked him, and only gave his number out of pity? He probably didn’t really care about Tyler at all.

Tyler just laid there, staring to his white wall for what felt like an infinity. His thoughts raced a thousand miles an hour, and he couldn’t keep up anymore at this point.

He sighed, rolled over and unlocked his phone before opening the notes app.

At moments like these, where his mind felt glugged up by his thoughts, it sometimes helped to write it down.

Without really processing it, he started typing. At first none of the words made sense together, but as he went on, they started forming sentences, and even rhymes…

_Sometimes, i live, i hate_  
What is wrong with me  
When I am late  
But you would never say  
I'm going down  
And you would never stop  
Searching lost and found

A deep sigh left his body. Something about writing his thoughts down made him feel relieved.

The tiredness now started taking over throughout his whole body. He felt a lot better than he did a couple of minutes ago, and before he knew it, he had drifted off to sleep.

~

During the rest of the autumn break, nothing special happened. Tyler mostly helped his parents with chores around the house. A lot still needed to be done to the house, since they had only moved in a few months ago. He was kept busy the whole time. When he was not painting the window frames or working in the garden, he was shooting hoops or doing another form of training. Tyler had been picked to be in the basketball team, and soon matches would start. Hence why after his break he would be going to training almost every afternoon instead of the two days a week that were required before. But until then, he was stuck at home, his parents pressuring him to train. And then there were of course still some assignments he needed to finish for school.

The few moments he had to himself were mostly spend sending texts back and forth with Josh. Because of him being busy, he hadn’t gotten the opportunity to meet up with him again. And thinking about it, Tyler didn’t even know if he would even enjoy that as much. He was scared it would only become very awkward, just like the times he had ordered coffee.

Before he knew it, it was time to go to school again. With great difficulty, he had dragged himself out of his bed that monday morning, and now he was walking to school together with his brother. It was one of those worse days. One of those days on which everything seemed to be grey.

It was hard to describe.

The weather had become extrovertly colder over the past week. With every exhale that escaped his mouth, Tyler could see a little smoke like cloud. It reminded him of his childhood days, when he would pretend he was a dragon. 

God he missed those times.

Zack and he didn’t exchange a lot of words while walking. They had always been so close, but since Tyler’s mental illnesses had become more present and harder to deal with, he had closed himself of.

_Shit. _He remembered that he had forgotten to take his medicines the past two days. He had been too busy to even think about it.

He quickly made a mental note to take them in the afternoon.

They had arrived at the school fences, separating and both walking into a different direction.

Tyler continued to move towards the science building. First period always existed out of biology class. A sigh escaped his mouth again. He had never liked Biology, but his parents had forced him to take it.

He walked around the corner to open the door and go inside…

There he was.

Josh.

_No no no_

Josh was standing there, surrounded by what seemed like punk typa people, based on the multiple piercings and crazy hair colours. They were smoking cigarettes and seemed to have a nice conversation.

Josh had never told him that he smoked.

_One of the many mysteries of Joshua Dun…_

Tyler looked down at the ground, trying to subtly hide his face in the hopes of Josh not noticing him.

His plan failed.

“Hey Ty!”

Tyler looked up.

“Hi, Josh”

He forced a smile on his face. All of the other people had now also turned their heads towards Tyler.

_This day really couldn’t go any worse, huh?_

“You wanna join us?”

Josh had this big grin on his face again.

“Sure…”

Tyler took a step towards the group.

“You want some?” A random kid with bright red hair asked, making a gesture with his cigarette towards Tyler.

“Nah, I’ll pass”

“Okay then” The boy lifted his shoulders. Instead of giving it to Tyler, he handed the cigarette over to another boy, who accepted it with a small “thanks”.

“You’re Tyler right?” Another kid from the back asked. He had poofy and curly hair.

“Yeah..”

“Oh, cool” The kid replied. “You know, people talk a lot about you. Most of them are probably jealous that you’ve only been here for like two months and are already on the basketball team”

“Well, it’s probably really cool to be you ya know” The red head shrugged. “Just living your easy, innocent, simple life..”

The rest of the kids laughed a bit.

_Well, this just really went downhill-_

Josh had put his arm around Tyler, which made him jump up a little.

“Guys… Just keep it down okay?” He turned his head towards Tyler’s, and his lips moved closer to his ear.

Tyler could feel Josh’s breath against his neck. It gave him chills all over.

“Don’t take them too serious” Josh whispered. “They make sarcastic comments all the time, especially Gerard… But really, they’re pretty cool”

Tyler assumed that Gerard was the name of the hair dude.

“What are you little lovebirds talking about?” Gerard smirked, raising his eyebrow. The rest of them were giggling.

Tyler could feel his cheeks turning pink. He hated being here, and how awkward the situation had become.

_Great._

Josh turned his head back to the group again.

“None of ya business” He said, rolling his eyes. But shortly after, a smile had already appeared on his face again.

“Yeah, right” Gerard replied, annoyance in his voice.

Tyler still felt very uncomfortable being here. 

“You know, Tyler and I should actually be going.”

Josh grabbed Tyler’s hand and dragged him through the door. A surprised look came to Tyler’s face. He didn’t complain though.

Josh stopped just around the corner, checking if they were really out of sight.

“thanks” Tyler said with a sigh of relieve.

“No problem” Josh sighed. “Gerard and the rest can really be assholes sometimes.”

Tyler shrugged. He definitely agreed with that. 

A silence that lasted a bit too long followed.

Tyler looked up into Josh’s eyes.

Josh stared right back into his.

He could feel his heart beating so fast right now.

Josh slowly moved forward, still holding Tyler’s hand.

_Help._

But Tyler couldn’t move.

Josh now was so close that Tyler could smell his cologne, mixed with the cigarette smell, and tiny bit of sweat. He normally hated the smell of cigarettes, but with Josh he didn’t care. It fit him.

_Everything about Josh is just perfect._

They were now so close, their faces almost touched. Tyler was starting to panic on the inside, but he still couldn’t make his body move away.

He could feel Josh’s breath again, sending a tingling feeling through his body.

Maybe he didn’t mind this closeness that much after all.

Their lips almost touched and-

A high pitched ringing filled the hallways.

It felt like Tyler was snapped back into reality. He quickly stepped back, letting go of Josh’s hand and putting his hands in his pockets.

_Shit shit shit. What did you just do? _

That stupid big smile appeared on Josh’s face again.

“Y-you know… I should probably be g-going” Tyler said, looking down at the ground again. He knew by the heat rising to his cheeks that he was most likely blushing once again.

Before waiting for a response, he turned around and basically raced in the direction of the biology classroom.

Did he really just almost _kissed _someone?

_What if someone just saw that?_

_You’ll be screwed, Joseph. What will your parents think if they find out you almost kissed a boy? _

The voice in his head was laughing at him.

A new wave of panic entered his body.

But before he could really give it another thought, he had already reached the classroom.

~

Tyler only was a tiny bit late to his Biology lesson. Most of the kids were already sitting at their desk, waiting for the teacher to arrive.

Without thinking twice, he hastily sat down on his normal spot.

A head turned towards him, not looking too pleased.

“Heyyy Tyler, nice to see you again!” An overly exaggerated happy voice said.

“Thanks for calling during the week by the way” Brendon continued with an angry look on his face.

_Fuck. He had totally forgotten to keep contact with Brendon during the break._

“Ughh, I’m so so sorry” He sighed, dropping his head down into his arms on the desk.

“I was so busy and… I just completely forgot to call you or text y-“

Brendon chuckled.

“Don’t be sorry. I get that you were busy… With your parents pushing you because of the basketball games and stuff”

For some reason Tyler still fell for Brendon’s “acting” type of moments. You could never tell if he was really angry, or just pranking you.

Although he still felt bad for completely forgetting Brendon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof, sorry for ending it at such a weird spot...  
I just need to make some progression in the story line and stuff, cause otherwise this is never going to a place, if that makes sense??  
Also, sorry for misleading you with an almost kiss, haha  
Next chapter will be longer! :)


	4. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaah, I'm so sorry for not updating soon!  
I just didn't have any inspiration and writing just didn't really work out until like today, so when I finally finsihed the chapter I needed to edit the first part a lot because it was kinda bad?  
But yeah I finally started writing out the plot a bit ( I maybe, just maybe, should've done that sooner, but ok) so hopefully I'll know what to write from now on.  
Anyways, hope you guys enjoy :)

Another three weeks had passed, and Tyler had been trying to avoid Josh for most of it. Until now he had mostly succeeded, only encountering him once in the hallway (luckily their school was pretty big, and they didn’t have any classes together, so the changes of bumping into each other were pretty small).

Besides that, he also hadn’t texted Josh again. Half because his whole schedule was filled with basketball training, half because he still felt weird about the fact that they almost kissed. That was something you only did if you knew each other well, right? And they only had met like, twice before? Of course they had been texting a lot during the autumn break, but it wasn’t that weird that Tyler freaked out when they almost kissed. Right? Josh also had not texted Tyler, and, although scared to admit, it made him feel a little sad.

_“Ugh, stop you slimeball. He has not texted you because you chickened out. He probably doesn’t even care about you.”_

The voice in his head had been getting more present. Maybe it was because he had forgotten his medicines a few times. But the voice had been trying to control his head, _his body, _for some time now. And, for some reason it had convinced Tyler to not take his medicines more often. Tyler knew he probably should, but every time he held the orange bottle in his hands, the voice would take over, and instead flush the pills through the toilet.

_Shut up._

He spit back to the voice. Even though deep inside he knew there was truth to what the voice had said.

_“You know that I’m speaking the truth, right? _The voice laughed loudly.

“_You’re just too stupid to see the truth. That boy doesn’t care about you and never has.”_

Tyler shook his head, trying to erase the voice for a moment.

It was lunch time, and he was walking towards the music building on the other side of the school. Brendon had joined the band of a friend, first just to replace him for a show because he was ill, but later becoming an official a member (He turned out to have a lot of talent). They had been practicing during the breaks, and Brendon had invited Tyler to come and watch them last week. He really enjoyed seeing Brendon and his bandmates practise, and compared to most high school bands, they were actually really good.

Anyways, Tyler had spent his breaks watching them practise ever since.

The band had already started practising when Tyler had reached the door of the practise room. From what he could hear, they were playing a song he knew was called “I write sins not tragedies”. Not wanting to interrupt in the middle of the song, Tyler waited until they were finished playing before walking in.

“Hey Tyler!” Brendon yelled with enthusiastic. 

“Hi!” Tyler said back, immediately feeling a bit more cheerful. Just being around Brendon always seemed to cheer up Tyler when he was feeling down. After greeting the rest of the band as well, he walked further into the room.

“Good you’re here! We’ve been practising some new songs, and it would be cool to have some people listen and give their opinion.” Brendon gestured towards a spot just behind Tyler next to the door he had just walked in.

“Just go and sit beside Josh over there” He said.

Tyler slowly turned around to the place Brendon had pointed at.

_Oh no.._

There Josh sat, giving a shy smile to Tyler. He looked just as surprised as Tyler did.

Quickly looking down at the ground to try and avoid Josh’s gaze, Tyler shuffled over to the couch Josh was sitting on.

_Well this is awkward. _

Tyler sat down with a sigh, as far away as possible from Josh.

“Hi..” Tyler crossed his arms over his chest out of uncomfortability. Trying to focus on looking at the band in front of him. 

“Hi Tyler” Josh said back. Tyler could hear from his voice that he also felt a bit weird.

The awkwardness was luckily rapidly interrupted by Brendon.

“So, the first song we’re gonna play is called ‘Time to dance’”

Brendon spoke to them with great excitement, jumping from one leg to the other.

“We wrote it yesterday, actually, so not everything is like, perfect. But we have most of it done”

He turned around to look over to Ryan and Spencer, the guitarist and drummer of the band. He gave them a little not, and after Spencer had counted to 3, they started playing.

The drums and guitar directly kicked in, creating a catchy melody. Then Brendon started singing, throwing everything he had into the song. It didn’t take long before Tyler had found himself completely lost in the music. He only realised that a big grin had appeared on his face after the song had ended.

“Wow…” He stammered, not knowing what to say. ”That was so, so good!”

“Yeah.. It sounded… great” A voice from besides him mumbled.

Tyler had been so into the music, that he had completely forgotten that Josh sat next to him on the couch. He managed Josh had forgotten about the awkward interaction as well, since his face looked amazed and surprised.

“Thank you” It was Ryan speaking.

“thanks guys!” Brendon said, blushing a bit by all the compliments.

This only increased the happy feeling both Tyler and Josh felt. Everything seemed to go fine.

Maybe the situation they had found themselves in wasn’t as bad as they thought.

~

After the band had played a couple more new songs to Josh and Tyler (which were just as amazing as the first one), their break had come to an end. Brendon and the other bandmates had invited them to go get taco bell after school. Tyler actually had training, but eventually Brendon had convinced him to go with them instead. He didn’t really mind it _that_ much, because he was getting pretty sick from the amount of training that he had been doing during the past few weeks.

And of course he couldn’t decline Brendon’s puppy eyes. He had texted the coach that he was ill, hoping his parents wouldn’t find out he was lying.

_“Oh, oh… little boy is being naughty!”_

Tyler had ignored the voice for the moment being. 

Josh had also accepted the offer, so after school they had met up again in the parking lot, after which they had driven to taco bell crammed up in Brendon’s small car (Tyler had still kept as much distance to Josh as possible). They had talked a lot while eating taco’s and such, and Tyler actually felt happy for once, forgetting the constant struggles he was dealing with in his head. The topic had changed to music at some point. The question that had been burning in the back of Tyler’s mind that whole afternoon, which was how Brendon and Josh even knew each other, had also been answered. Josh was a drummer (yet another one of the mysteries of Josh Dun Tyler didn’t know about), and he and Spencer had known each other for some time already.

After they had finished eating their orders, they had been walking randomly around the mall. After a stop at hot topic, which Brendon had found amazing, they now had found themselves at some random thrift shop Josh had insisted on going in.

Tyler had slowly come out of his shell during their trip through the mall, even joking around at some points.

The group was now at the clothing section of the store.

“Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas!” Tyler had pulled out an incredibly ugly pink Christmas hat from a big box with an “Everything 50 cents” board above it. He had put it on his head and had turned towards the rest of the group, trying to keep a straight face.

_Bam! _Something had hit Tyler at the back of his head. He hadn’t noticed Josh creeping behind him, who had just hit him with an inflatable guitar. He giggled after Tyler had turned around with a shocked expression on his face.

“Throw that to me please!” Brendon yelled through his laughing, pointing towards the guitar.

After Josh had thrown the inflatable guitar to Josh, he started “playing” it, while singing.

“Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells rock!”

The rest of them joined, singing along with the song. Tyler could barely keep himself from collapsing out of laughter.

After they had finished singing, and eventually the laughter had died down, they had found themselves continuing strolling through aisles. They were now in the clothing department, filled by a musty thrift store scent. Tyler was aimlessly strolling through the t-shirt section, trying to find something at least a little interesting. He passed multiple band t-shirts of which he had never heard, and was getting bored. That was until his eye fell on a death cab for cutie shirt.

“Oh my god..” He exclaimed. It was one of his favourite bands.

Josh, who was walking just on the other side of the aisle looked up with a confused expression on his face.

“Who would _ever_ get rid of a _death cab for cutie _shirt?!” Tyler said while lifting up the t-shirt from the clothing rack.

“You listen to death cab for cutie as well?!” Josh said, surprised but smiling.

“YES! So, you know them as well?” Tyler replied, also smiling.

Josh nodded, his grin only increasing.

What followed was a lot of fangirling from Tyler and Josh about Death cab for cutie and their music. They had both apparently seen them live at the same show. Which made them even more excited. 

The awkwardness of the past few weeks, and even this morning, had completely disappeared as they talked passionately about the band they both loved.

“You know… about like three weeks ago…” Josh suddenly said, staring at his shoes.

“Uhm, just- let’s just forget about it, okay? And I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable….”

“Sure” Tyler simply replied, blushing a bit. “And apology accepted” He followed with a small chuckle.

“Okay. Cool.” Josh looked up to Tyler with a grin.

“You wanna go get some snacks at the supermarket?” He said, trying to change the subject while looking around to try and find the rest of the group. They were out of sight.

“It seems like the rest has left us anyways.” He shrugged, lifting his shoulders, with an innocent smile on his face.

Tyler could look at that smile _forever._

_“Didn’t you two just agreed to not do this?”_

_Shit. There was the voice again. _

Tyler desperately pushed away the voice to the very depths of his brain.

“Yeah, I’m starving!” He replied (although they had literally eaten taco’s only an hour ago), giving Josh the most reassuring smile he could bring up.

“cool… Let’s go then!”

~

After they had gotten some snacks and drinks at the supermarket on the other side of the mall, they walked outside the building, across the parking lot.

“Where are we going?” Tyler asked, confused by what Josh was planning on doing.

“You’ll figure out soon…” Josh said, raising his eyebrows with a smirk on his face.

They walked a little further, and Josh led them to the back of the building.

_What if he’s gonna kidnap me or something?_

Tyler shook these thoughts away. He was just overthinking once again.

Josh jumped over the low fence that surrounded a small parking lot (which was probably for the employees to park their cars), and Tyler did the same, still unsure of where Josh was leading him.

“come on!”

Josh motioned Tyler to follow him as he climbed up a ladder that was hanging of the wall of the mall.

Tyler hesitated for a moment. Wasn’t this illegal? Plus it was actually pretty high up.

“_Just climb up that stupid ladder! You pussy”_

There was the voice again. It always seemed to pop up at the worst moments. Needless to say, Tyler eventually climbed up the ladder, following Josh who had already reached the top.

There they were, on top of the roof of the mall, looking out over the city.

“Wow…” Tyler exclaimed as he looked down at the tiny lights of cars and bikes and what not else. The entire city centre was visible from here.

He could even spot the forest, _his forest, _and the rest of the park next to it, far in the distance_. _It looked so much smaller than what he always experienced when walking through it.

“I always come here when I think the world is getting too much” Josh said with a sigh. He sat down, his feet dangling over the edge of the roof, while putting the bag with snacks next to him.

“Mhm” Tyler also sat down, still mesmerized by the amazing view.

“The world just seems so small when you’re up here. Like, for a moment, nothing matters. No one cares about me or notices me. It’s only me and my thoughts, and, for some reason, it calms me down”

Josh looked over at Tyler, his expression more serious.

“Do you ever feel like that?” He asked wit hopeful undertone to his voice, as if he was hoping that Tyler would understand.

Tyler took a moment to process Josh’s words. But yeah, he exactly felt this way, being up here and having the world literally at their feet.

“Yeah, I understand” Tyler turned to look forward again at the nights sky with all its beautiful lights. It was like Josh got the words out of his head.

“Sometimes everything is getting overwhelming, and you just feel like you need to escape it, if even for a little moments” He said.

Josh sighed again, moving towards the bag next to him to take out a bag of chips.

They sat there for some time, looking over the city, the only thing interrupting the silence being the sound of the chips and the chips bag.

_But it’s okay_, Tyler thought, as he grabbed another handful of chips out of the bag.

A low breeze was sensible at this height, and suddenly Tyler was remembered of the fact that he was only wearing a t-shirt, and that he had left his coat in Brendon’s car. He folded his arms over his chest and rubbed them to ease the chills he was feeling, and hopefully feel warmer.

“Are you cold?” Josh gave Tyler a sympathising smile.

Tyler simply nodded, his teeth chattering.

“Wanna borrow my jacket?”

“Won’t you be cold then?”

“Nah, I’m like a human heater”

Tyler smirked “So you’re saying you’re hot then?”

“Only if you say so” Josh rolled his eyes. “Just take my jacket, you idiot”

Tyler blushed as he took the jacket and put it on. He immediately felled a lot warmer than before. And it smelled like Josh, which was quit a nice bonus.

“Thanks” He quietly said.

“No problem” Josh shrugged.

And they continued eating snacks, talking about random stuff (and sometimes what deeper stuff) until Brendon called them a bit angrily to ask where they had been. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've already started writing prat of the next chapter sooo hopefully the next update will be sorta soon?  
Also, did anyone catch the little mcr refference in the last chapter (the group Josh was smoking with, haha) I just had to do it cause THEY ARE BACK TOGETHER  
I'm still not okay (i promise)


	5. 5

After the afternoon at the mall, Brendon had dropped off every one at their respective houses, now just leaving him and Tyler next to him in the passenger seat. The ride from Ryan’s house to Tyler’s was only about ten minutes at max, and most of it was spend in silence. Although not that type of awkward silence. They both were just tired. The heater in the car was also turned up pretty high, which added to the sleepy feeling Tyler felt.

He was leaning his head against the car door, and was staring at the rain drops seeping down on the other side of the window. It had started raining just after he and Josh had left the roof to go back and meet up with the rest again. It was pretty funny how the drops on the glass morphed the street and car lights into weird shapes.

He had felt this sort of empty feeling ever since he they had dropped off Josh at his house. Tyler had given him back his jacket, after thanking him again for lending it, before he had left the car. Josh had given him a blushing smile, reassuring him that it really was no problem. It felt like with taking off the jacket, the cold had again seeped into Tyler’s body.

“So what’s up with you and Josh?” Brendon suddenly asked as he turned left into the street Tyler lived in.

“Mhm?” Tyler was startled out of his thoughts, a bit surprised by the sudden presence of sound. He lifted his head back up from his leaning position, realizing what Brendon just asked. 

“Josh told me you guys already knew each other… and you know, you two seem pretty close” He quickly turned his head towards Tyler, a smirk visible on his face, before looking back at the road.

_Oh shit. What else had Josh told Brendon? Did he tell him about the almost kiss?_

Tyler still hadn’t completely figured out his sexuality, let alone these sort of feelings he felt for Josh, or whatever it was, and he was glad that they had at least talked again after 3 weeks of nothing. He wasn’t ready to be confronted about this yet.

“Uhm, w-what do you mean?” He tried to sound as convincing as possible, but ended up jumbling over his words.

The voice in his head now laughed.

_“You know damn well what he’s talking about!”_

It really seemed to pop up at the worst moments.

“Oh shut up, everyone can notice there’s something going on between the two of you” Brendon rolled his eyes.

“Oh” Tyler started blushing. Was it really _that_ noticeable?

“Come on, you’ve been staring at him all afternoon, and you get all blushy and smily when he talks to you” Brendon raised one of his eyebrows. “Plus you were wearing his jacket after you guys just sneaked of to, God knows where!”

Tyler realised he really couldn’t escape the topic anymore at this point, although he stayed silent, looking down at his feet.

Brendon seemed to notice how uncomfortable Tyler felt.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, of course. And like, I know how weird sexuality is and I’m not gonna push you to come out or something… but you know, it seems to me that you like him, and he likes you.”

Tyler looked up again and Brendon gave him a soft smile.

“Okay, okay…” He rolled his eyes. “I think that I maybe.. like him?”

“I knew it!” Brendon said excitingly, slapping his hands on the steering wheel.

Tyler laughed.

“Like I don’t know, he makes me feel all happy and stuff and I already miss him even though we dropped him off only a few minutes ago…” Tyler started feeling the butterflies in his stomach again.

“But I don’t know? We only talked again today after I, like, kinda ignored him for a few weeks after the ‘almost kiss’ and-“

“YOU TWO ALMOST KISSED?!” Brendon’s eyes widened.

_Shit. _

He hadn’t meant to say that, but, he had, so now there really was no turning back.

“Uhm.. Yeah. But then the school bell rang and I was kind of… shocked… and surprised. So then I ran away ignored him for three weeks until today with the band practise of course”

He continued before Brendon (who was still looking very excited and surprised) could interrupt him.

“And about the sexuality thing” Tyler looked down again “I-I don’t really have that figured out yet, you know? But I guess I’m not completely straight” He shrugged.

“Yeah I get it- But HOLY SHIT! Tyler Joseph has a crush!”

This made Tyler blush again.

But before they could talk more, they had arrived at Tyler’s house. Tyler quickly grabbed his coat which was still in the backseat and ran to the house after needing to promise Brendon that he would tell him more later on.

~

**Jish: **How ya doing?

**Tyler: **Fine, I guess..

**Jish: **Why the ‘I guess’?

**Tyler: **My parents are pretty mad at me for being home so late

**Tyler: **Although luckily they don’t know I skipped practise 

**Jish: **Oof

**Jish: **That kinda sucks. Sorry..

**Tyler: **Oh well, guess it’s my own fault

**Jish: **Nah, we convinced you to go with us. We’re the ones to blame…

Tyler buried his head in his pillows. The last thing he wanted was for Josh to feel bad about something he did. He had felt really relieved, having told Brendon about Josh. But his smile had faded away quickly when he had opened the door and, well, his mom hadn’t had the most kind expression on his face.

What had followed was a 10 minute long preach about how unsafe it was to be out this late without telling anyone where he was or what he was doing, and how he was a disappointment to his parents because they did so much for him, and he hadn’t obeyed the rules.

Tyler had eventually given her the lie that he had stayed longer after basketball practise, because he wanted to shoot some more hoops because he just _loved _it so much, and that he had forgotten the time while doing so. Luckily his mom had bought the lie and eventually calmed down a bit (although she was still angry that he hadn’t called or texted), but Tyler felt guilty for lying. He had just walked upstairs and had laid on his bed in the dark ever since.

A buzz from his phone got him out of his thoughts.

**Jish: **Don’t blame yourself Tyler…

**Tyler: **mhm

**Jish: **No don’t

Tyler sighed as he turned off his phone again. Where did he deserve Josh for? Instead of making him feel better, knowing Josh was worried about him only made him more depressed.

His phone buzzed again, but now multiple times.

Josh was calling him.

_Great._

Tyler kind of wanted to ignore it, but they just texted and Josh knew he was near his phone, so..

He picked up

“Hi” He sighed.

“Hey Tyler” Josh sounded worried. He continued speaking;

“Are you okay? And be honest this time”

“Uhm, I don’t know to be honest”

“You wanna talk about it?” For some reason – Tyler didn’t know why – tears started forming in the corners of his eyes.

A silence followed.

“Tyler?” Josh said with a small and caring voice.

Tyler let out a sob. There really was no stopping the tears now.

“I-I’m sorry” He sobbed.

“Oh shit. I-It’s okay, Tyler”

“I w-wanna tell you” Another sob escaped “But I-I don’t know how and, and, everything in my life… I j-just seem to mess up”

“Okay listen to me Tyler… Uhm, okay, try to calm down.” He tried to come over calm to Tyler, but there was slightly a form of panic hearable.

“You’re not messing everything up, okay? I know you feel like you do, and that it’s hard to convince you not to think like that, but, you’re not. You’re an amazing person and… Just please don’t give up…”

Although Tyler still didn’t completely believe Josh’s words, his calm voice had calmed him down a bit.

Josh was just perfect, and Tyler definitely didn’t deserve him in his life.

~

It was the next day. Tyler and Josh had called for at least an hour the day before, until it was time for Josh to eat dinner with his family. After Tyler needed to reassure him that he would be fine on his own, they had ended the call. Tyler had gone to sleep immediately because he was tired. Although it was more of a trying to sleep. He ended up staring at the wall for hours until he really couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore, and his doubting thoughts had slowly faded into weird dreams.

So Tyler was pretty tired when he hurryingly walked through the almost empty hallways to get to his first period on time. He was pretty late, considering that he had rather stayed in his bed that morning than go to school, until his mom had basically dragged him out of bed.

He was almost there, only needing to turn around one corner and then he would be-

_Boom!_

Tyler tried to keep his balance after his head had hit the door of the nurses office that someone just opened.

“Auch!” He rubbed his hand over his head, his surroundings disoriented and out of focus for a few seconds.

“Oh shit!” He recognized that voice.

“Oh.. hey Josh” He still felt dizzy from the hard hit he had just gotten.

“I’m sorry, are you okay?” Josh ran his hand through his curly hair, clearly blushing.

“Uhm yeah” Tyler blinked a few times, readjusting to the world around him. He looked over at Josh and _wow, _he looked really good today.

He was wearing zebra pants, _freaking zebra pants, _and a tank top with low cut arm holes. Which probably _really_ shouldn’t be allowed at school, but Tyler didn’t complain.

“You know, you really couldn’t have hit your head at a better place than here, huh?”

Josh chuckled.

And that’s when Tyler saw the blue around Josh’s eye.

“Wow, what happened to you?” He exclaimed.

Josh looked a bit surprised for a second, before it clicked in his brain.

“Oh, uh, yeah. I maybe got caught up in a small fight earlier today” He nervously smiled at Tyler, which made Tyler blush as well.

Tyler knew he should be worried, and he was, but the idea of Josh fighting only made him more hot.

“Damn” Is the only thing he replied.

“Well, the teacher wanted me to get it checked out” Josh pointed at his eye “and it all seems to be fine. But I guess I’ll have to walk around like this for at least a week” he looked at the corners of eye with a small chuckle.

“Well I think it suits you” Tyler smiled at Josh.

An awkward silence of only a few seconds followed (but it felt way longer to Tyler), before Josh spoke up again.

“Uhm, I guess I gotta go to class again now..” He pointed towards the hallway behind Tyler.

“Oh yeah, same for me” He said, remembering that he was already late to class.

After a hasty ‘see you later’ from both of them, they quickly went their separate ways.

~

_Tyler was walking in the desert again. Instead of a burning sun shining on him, he was surrounded by a sky full of stars, and a bright glowing moon glared down on the desert sand._

_He was freezing to death, his limbs becoming stiff because of the cold night temperature. _

_“Help!” he screamed desperately, although knowing that there was no one to help him. _

_He really didn’t expect a response, so the loud laughing that echoed throughout the sky surprised him. He looked around, and there it was._

_The source of the sound came from behind him. About 50 metres away from him the contours of a person were visible._

_Tyler squinted his eyes, but couldn’t quite recognize the person. So he did the best thing that a person can do in such situation, and ran towards the person._

_But as Tyler started running, the person did the same._

_He ran and ran, trying to catch up._

_He was getting tired and sweaty._

_But he kept running._

~

“You wanna come to me at the coffee shop after I finish my shift?” Josh asked Tyler.

“Uhm, sure. How late?”

“Around five, if I’m right. Or six. I don’t know for sure..”

“You don’t even know till how late you have to work? How bad” Tyler teased Josh, taking a bite from the mediocre canteen food the school offered.

For once they weren’t in the music building watching the band practise, so they were now sitting in the canteen, sitting across each other at one table.

Josh ran his hand through his hair, looking down at the ground.

“Oh shut up. You don’t even have a job!”

Tyler sighed.

“Alright, I’ll check it later, and I’ll send you the right time” Josh smiled at Tyler.

Tyler smiled back, and they continued eating the rest of their lunch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaagh, sorry for letting you wait this long + this shitty short filler chapter...  
I finally sort of worked out the story line and stuff (which i probably should've done before i started posting the chapters, because now there will be plot holes, ugh)  
Last week was kinda bad and i still fel kinda bad and i just had no inspiration, energy and time to write...  
but i'm veryyy excited to keep writing, because more exciting things are coming (i promise)  
anyways, thanks for sticking around :)  
(also, the chapter actually was supposed to be longer, hence why the weird ending, so the rest will be the next chapter i guess?)  
((I'm such a mess, sorrry))


	6. 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for not updating for like a month! I kind of had a writers block, and i was procrastinating a lot, but here we are! Expect some really cute scenes (if I say so myself) (i'm actually pretty proud of this chapter, for once :) )  
Also, as you can see I changed the title, since I was gonna call it "hold my hand" at first but then decided not to, which i now regret so i renamed it, haha  
Anyways, enjoy ;)

_Tyler had been running for a while now. He didn’t know how long, but his legs were hurting from constantly moving, and were starting to feel numb. _

_“Please stop!” He yelled at the figure that was still running, a gap of about twenty metres in between them. In contrast to Tyler, it didn’t show any signs of fatigue, keeping up with just a fast enough pace so that Tyler could barely keep up. Every time Tyler thought he was catching up, the person would accelerate. The plain desert landscape had slowly turned into one with bigger hills and rocks, and Tyler tried not to trip or slide away in the desert sand._

_Sure, Tyler had a good condition because he was an athlete, but the tiredness and darkness combined made him stumble over stones and the loose sand a few times. But he needed to continue, although he didn’t know why. It was like reaching the figure was the ultimate goal in this crazy dream. He wasn’t planning on stopping before he had reached it. _

_“Just give up Tyler” The unknown voice spoke for the first time after he had heard it laughing. Only it didn’t come from the person he was following – if it even was a person – so Tyler tried looking around while not falling, quickly turning his head from left to right and behind him._

_Two giant, evil looking red eyes peered at him from the sky._

_The shock that filled Tyler’s body made him fall down in the sand, an unbearable pain seeping in his head as he hit a rock. _

_The last thing he remembered before completely passing out again, was a shrill laugh echoing through the sky. _

_~_

It was the end of November, the weather was cold and almost every leaf had fallen off the trees. But that didn’t stop Tyler and Josh from sitting at their now familiar spot on top of the roof of the mall.

“You know, people that don’t like taco bell are also probably the people that like bananas”

Tyler laughed as he looked up at the sky, which was covered in thick light grey clouds. He and Josh were both laying down on top of the roof, having weird conversations.

“Yeah, bananas are so gross” Josh giggled.

The past few weeks Josh and Tyler had only grown closer. As friends of course. Neither of them had mentioned the almost kissing situation ever again, and it was okay that way (Tyler had also convinced Brendon to shut up about it, and luckily he had listened so far). Sure, Tyler still thought Josh was cute and stuff, but he just didn’t think he was ready to be that sort of close to a person. And, besides that, he was already too busy practising for the basketball championship that was coming closer by the day. His parents were getting more strict with him, and he now needed to shoot baskets every day when he came home from school, after which he was too tired to do other things.

Luckily he could avoid it on some days. He would give the excuse of having a project or extra homework to be able to hang out with Josh (and sometimes Brendon).

Tyler was spending a lot less time with Brendon nowadays. Of course they were still going to classes together and always sat next to each other, but they never really met up outside school anymore. Aside from the reason that Tyler was spending more time with Josh, Brendon was also busy with the band (They had named it Panic! At the disco, and even a bass player had joined them). Things were going so well that they were even playing some gigs here and there.

Things had also been going relatively well for Tyler. He had friends where he felt comfortable being around, he was team captain of the basketball team - they had a big chance of winning the upcoming championship – and he had been taking his medicines more often. Despite that they didn’t help much. The voice was still there, and it was getting more and more prominent by the day. But he was at least feeling more happy than at the beginning of the school year and before that.

Suddenly a buzzing scared Tyler out of his thoughts. He quickly sat straight up and got his phone out of his pocket.

It was his dad calling him.

_Shit. _They had completely lost track of time, and it was already nearly dark. Tyler was way too late for dinner.

He quickly clicked the green button and lifted the phone to his ear, giving a bit of a scared and worried look to Josh.

_Who is it? _Josh mouthed to Tyler in return to this.

But Tyler had already started speaking.

“Hi dad!” He said as reassuring and happy as possible.

And yeah, Tyler had expected his dad to be angry at him for being late, but he had not expected the outrage from that came from the other side of the line.

“Where the hell are you, Tyler! Skipping basketball training is one thing – yeah, we know about that, the coach called us earlier today – but staying out this late?!”

Tyler swallowed deeply. He was so screwed.

“I-I’m sorry…”

“Your apologies won’t work. You better be home _quick_!”

And with that his dad ended the short but intriguing call.

Tyler slowly lowered his hand with his phone in it away from his ear, looking straight forward into nothingness, shocked by what had just happened.

“Are you okay?” Josh gave him a worried look.

That’s when panic started raising in Tyler’s body. He turned towards Josh shaking rapidly _no_ with his head.

“Shit shit shit. They found out I’ve been skipping practise, and-and” Tyler was breathing faster and faster, and he was completely shaking “and I need to get home like right now, and, oh god, my parents are gonna kill me, and I’m so so screwed“ He pulled at his hair out of panic and frustration.

“Ssshht…” Josh grabbed Tyler’s shaking hands. Although he also looked a bit shocked, he tried to overcome calm in purpose of calming down Tyler, who was having a full on panic attack now.

“You’re gonna be fine… Try lowering your breath, okay?”

After a minute or so of Josh speaking to Tyler and holding his hands, Tyler felt a lot calmer.

“Are you ready to go?” Josh slowly said. “I know you don’t want to go home, but I guess it’s the best to do..” Tyler nodded his head. Josh stood up, lifting Tyler with him because they were still holding hands. “I can walk back home with you” He said.

Tyler sighed. “Thank you, I don’t know what I would do without you.” Josh blushed at this. They locked eyes for a moment, and it would be the perfect moment for a kiss, if it wasn’t for the fact that they were _just friends_.

The moment was broken when Josh made his way to the ladder and started to descend down to the parking lot, Tyler shortly following. He couldn’t help but smile when he looked at Josh.

Maybe everything would eventually be okay.

~

Tyler was grounded for the rest of the year. Which only lasted about one more month or so, but it still sucked. His parents had been incredibly mad at him for skipping his practise, because in their eyes he was throwing his future away by doing so. And to make matters even worse, his parents took his phone away when he was at home. So when he was having another one of those sleepless nights, he had nothing to distract him from the thoughts in his head. No games, no texting… nothing could keep him from giving in to the dark places in his brain.

Tyler stared at his wall for hours, without getting any sleep. His sleeplessness had been getting worse, and he didn’t know what to do. He would still forget to take his pills sometimes, which he probably should do more often, but he was just too busy thinking about every other thing going on.

It was Friday evening, and Tyler couldn’t stop worrying about tomorrow. The basketball team was playing a very important game, and the pressure of having to win had never been worse. Everyone relied on Tyler for winning. They told him he could easily do it, but this was said with a bittersweet tone, and he knew that if something went wrong and they did lose, they would just turn on him and leave him. He would be the disappointment of his family, of his team, and even of his school. He didn’t buy the bittersweet encouragements, knowing that the worst disappointment would be his own to bare, and thinking about it made him shiver already.

Tyler turned around and looked at his alarm clock. The time read 11:59, and even though worries still filled his mind, a small smile appeared on his face.

One more minute, and the new day would start, the date changing from November 31st to December 1st. He knew that probably no one would remember it, or if they did, they would not care enough. But he was used to it. His birthday was almost always during basketball season, and his parents cared more about that than their son’s birthday.

Yet, Tyler felt this warm, you could even say happy feeling when the numbers on the clock jumped to 00:00. Maybe there was still some hope left.

It had been about half an hour or so since his birthday had started, and he was slowly dozing to sleep when a sharp tick startled him. It came from the window, but he didn’t pay much attention to it since it was probably a branch carried by the wind, after being snapped of a tree. He closed his eyes again, trying to catch some sleep, considering he still would have to play that basketball game tomorrow.

But there it was again, a tick against his bedroom window. A relative angriness filled Tyler as he was completely awake now. He shifted from underneath the covers and stood up, walking towards the window to see what was happening, a bit dizzy from standing up so fast.

Even though it was dark outside, there was no questioning on what (or more _who_) was outside, standing in front of his house, waving at Tyler with a bright smile. Tyler waved back after rubbing his sleepy eyes to try and see clearer, but there was really no mistaking the person who was standing outside.

_Josh_

Without thinking much of it, he silently opened the window, the cold wind blowing away the last part of sleepiness that was left.

“What are you doing here?” Tyler asked confused, trying not to speak too loud. Josh walked over to get closer to the window, still grinning up at Tyler.

“Well, since I couldn’t text or call you to wish you a happy birthday, I thought I would pass by!” Josh said, a bit too loud.

“Happy birthday by the way”

“Sssht, not so loud!” Tyler whispered, carefully paying attention to his surroundings to make sure no one was awake. “It’s like 1 am. You should be sleeping..”

“Well, you also aren’t really sleeping, you know?”

“I was, until you came and woke me up!”

Tyler tried to sound mad, but that didn’t really work out. He was feeling incredibly happy, because at least someone cared enough for him to wish him a happy birthday. Even though that meant that they’d come to his house at 1am to tell him that.

Josh giggled.

“I’m sorry, sleeping beauty” He teased, at which Tyler rolled his eyes.

“Shut up” He murmured, a short silence following.

“Well, are you coming or not?” Josh asked.

Tyler furrowed his brows, confused by Josh’s plan.

“What do you mean?”

Josh laughed, and red appeared on Tyler’s cheeks.

“I’m taking you with me!” Josh said excitingly, a mysterious expression on his face.

“Wait, you want me to go with you in the middle of the night? Are you crazy!”

“Oh shut up and come with me. And if I was you I would put some warmer clothes on.”

Tyler quickly turned around to hide the blush on his face, and to do what Josh asked him to.

_“Wow, after skipping training and staying out late our baby boy is sneaking out at night?”_

_Fuck of_ Tyler shot back at the voice in his head, while quickly putting on a skinny jeans and a plain back hoodie. If he was silent, no one in the house would ever notice him going away.

He walked back to the window and stepped onto the windowsill, carefully gliding down the drainpipe afterwards.

He wiped of his now dirty hands to his jeans when both feet had hit the ground.

“That was smooth..” Tyler looked up at Josh,

“..You do this more often, huh? Sneaking out.” He sneered at Tyler, a mischievous smile on his face.

Tyler was definitely full on red throughout his whole face right now.

“Shut up, Jishwa” He teased back. Josh sighed.

“Don’t call me that!” He said irritated, but he was still grinning.

Before Tyler could interrupt and reply with another snarky comment, Josh spoke up, while gesturing towards the street.

“Now shall we go?”

~

Josh had apparently parked his car a bit down the road, and none of the boys dared to speak before they had reached it and were safely sitting inside.

“Okay, I can’t take it anymore” Tyler blurted out “What are you planning on doing?”

“You’ll see..” Josh still had this mischievous grin on his face, his eyes glimmering while looking at Tyler, who in contrast shared a grumpy look back. He didn’t like surprises that much. Especially not ones in the middle of the night, and with a cute boy he really shouldn’t find cute.

But looking at Josh’s joyous face, he forgot all about that, and shortly after he sighed and turned his head to look forward.

“Alright, then you don’t tell me.” He couldn’t help but let out a smile giggle. “But you better make sure it was worth waking up for at 1am”

“I promise you’ll like it!” Josh said as he briefly touched Tyler’s shoulder (which _totally _didn’t send a warm shiver through Tyler’s body), after which he started the car and drove towards the end of the street. Tyler tried to figure out where they were headed, following every turn Josh took. His attempts were useless though, considering that it was dark, and that he already wasn’t good with directions, especially here since he had only been living here for a few months.

After fifteen minutes of silence, which Tyler quite frankly didn’t care that much about (he totally didn’t spend most of it sneakily looking at Josh) , Josh parked the car in a rural area, which was surrounded by trees. Tyler couldn’t recognize where they were, which scared him a bit.

“Are you still not gonna tell me what you’re planning on doing, or where we are?” Tyler asked as he saw Josh turn of the car stepping out.

“Jeez, Tyler, have some patience!” Josh answered, although still with a big grin plastered on his face. So Tyler just decided with a sigh that he couldn’t be mad at Josh, like at all, and followed Josh by opening the door on his side and stepping out as well.

Josh in the meantime opened the door to the backseat to grab a large backpack that Tyler hadn’t noticed before, and started walking towards a path leading inside the trees. After nervously staring at Josh for a few moments, still confused by the whole situation (and maybe because Josh looked good tonight, even though it was pretty dark and Tyler couldn’t see that much) a “Are you still coming?” was yelled Tyler’s way. It startled him out of his thoughts and he quickly ran after Josh.

Another fifteen minutes of not speaking to each other followed, although it might have been shorter or longer, Tyler didn’t know. He was busy taking in his surroundings as his eyes got more used to the dark. They were walking through a dense and assumingly big forest, and as Tyler looked up, he could see a small bit of moonlight shining through the slight opening in the foliage above the path that they were walking on.

Josh kept a steady pace the whole time, Tyler just walking behind him. He tried to not stumble over roots while trying to keep up. And even though Tyler was still very much confused over Josh’s intentions, he had to admit that he enjoyed the silence of the forest. It had been some time since he had been to _his _forest, and he had missed the comfort that the trees and all other live gave him. He had missed the smell of dead leafs and wood and-

Suddenly Josh grasped for Tyler’s hand, and pulled him next to him, so they were walking side by side. A shock filled Tyler, but he quickly relaxed because Josh’s hands were _so soft and warm _and it was like the warm feeling from Josh’s hand now spread throughout his whole body, leaving Tyler blushing a little. This was definitely one of those things that would make him uncomfortable with any other person, even with people like Brendon with who he was pretty close. But with Josh it felt like the best thing ever, like his hand had always meant to be hold by Josh’s, and Tyler had never felt so safe or warm on the inside.

and Tyler really couldn’t deny it anymore.

He was completely crushing on Josh.

But at that moment it these thoughts didn’t matter, because Tyler felt so happy and so warm. And that only by holding hands. He couldn’t help but wonder what he would feel if he was even closer to Josh.

He quickly shook these thoughts away. _Not right now. _

Instead, Josh finally broke the silence.

“We’re almost there” He turned his head towards Tyler, and his teeth seemed to shine even brighter in the glow from the moon. _This boy really never stopped smiling, huh?_

“Uh o-okay” Tyler stammered once he realised that he had been staring at the other boy’s mouth a bit too long.

A few moments later, Josh suddenly turned right, and _oh my god, _Tyler didn’t think he’d ever seen a scene more beautiful than this.

They were at the edge of lake, the water surface reflecting the light of the full moon which was straight above it. Far, far away were the tops of mountains visible, and on all the far stretched edges were surrounded by trees. The phenomenon reminded Tyler of those default laptop wallpapers, which always left him wondering if those were even real places. The thought made him chuckle, considering that he now had the proof in front of him that in fact these kinds of location really existed in real life.

“You like it?” Josh said concerned, but with a hopeful undertone. For the first time that evening his smile was replaced by one of worry, just as the confidence he very much had had, which had softened down. It was as if he was suddenly uncertain of everything that had unfolded the past hour, maybe even afraid of Tyler’s reaction, as if it was the most important thing on earth to have him have a good reaction.

“I-I…” Tyler brought out, his expression still full of surprise and shock.

“Oh no, you don’t like it” He looked sad. “I’m so sorry, it was stupid to bring you here-“

“Josh.” Tyler interrupted, taking his gaze away from the lake in front of them to look at the other boy.

“I love it”

The smile on Josh’s face was back, and now Tyler was also smiling. They just looked each other in the eyes for some moments. And then Tyler realised they were still holding hands. And then he looked at Josh’s mouth again. And then, without even realising, he moved in closer. So when he did indeed realise that they were now extremely close, he panicked and quickly moved back again.

_Shit shit shit_

He directly looked back at the lake again, trying to avoid looking at Josh’s reaction, feeling a little bit embarrassed. But Josh didn’t say anything, and Tyler didn’t know if he imagined it or if it happened in real life, but it felt like Josh squeezed his hand a bit more, as if he was saying that it was okay, and that he could take his time, and that he would wait and be there for him.

And it made Tyler feel okay. He didn’t think he was ready for this, for what the aftermath would be of him kissing Josh. Because he didn’t want to screw things up. They had a great friendship, and committing to his feelings would be making things complicated, and he wasn’t ready for those type of complications. And, although deeply inside he knew that the other felt the same way that he felt for him, he didn’t want to completely admit to something like that yet. And it was okay.

So the two boys just stood there looking at the magical landscape in front of them, still holding hands, until both their legs were going numb, and Josh’s backpack actually happened to be handy after all. The bag happened to contain thermos flask filled with coffee, some donuts and other tasty food items and a few fleece blankets (Tyler was especially fond of that last one, considering that he started to feel cold since it in fact was the first day of December and it was almost freezing).

After consuming all the food and talking about random stuff, (like how Josh admitted that secretly had an obsession with sex in the city, which made Tyler chuckle of course) they were laying down, looking up at the stars that were visible through the clear sky. Josh excitingly told Tyler everything he knew about all the constellations and planets and pointed them out, the conversation eventually changing into if there was live outside of this tiny planet.

And even after the conversation had died down, and Tyler was pretty sure Josh had fallen asleep, he couldn’t help but stare at him, at his beautiful curly brown hair and his lips, and how beautiful he was even though he was sleeping. It was like a wave of peace had washed over him, taking him to other worlds in his sleep.

And before Tyler could even process it, he leaned over and quickly gave Josh a kiss on his forehead. It was just a small pack, his lips barely touching the boy’s face, but Tyler smiled as he laid down again, a wave of sleepiness hitting him as well.

He closed his eyes, and he knew for sure that right now was the most happy he had been in a while.

And maybe he didn’t hate his life as much anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love these beans too much :')  
Also, go yell at me on tumblr, for if i'm late with updating again:  
@panickingsinnerss (double s lolz)


	7. 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things are making progress...

_A moment of confusion followed after Tyler woke up, the dark surroundings difficult to see, shortly followed by the realisation of what had happened before he passed out. With that came the extreme pain that he felt on his head, and as he reached up and touched the hurting spot, he felt some form of a warm liquid coming from the source, still trickling down over the side of his face, down his neck, leaving a stain on the (not so) plain white shirt he was wearing. Not that it mattered, the shirt was already dirty from the desert sand. _

_He didn’t know how long he had been out of it, but going of the blood that was still mostly wet and had only partly dried at some spots, it couldn’t have been too long. _

_When the dizziness was mostly gone, Tyler could inspect the place he was better. The desert had been exchanged for what seemed like a small stage, the closed curtain and dimmed lights giving away that it wasn’t show time. Yet._

_“Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to this most spectacular show…” A voice who Tyler recognized as the voice he heard before, excitingly spoke._

_What he assumed to be the crowd started clapping._

_Tyler quickly got up, anxiously looking around, trying to find a way out._

_“Oh how astonishing! I’m being informed that our first act is feeling very anxious right now… But as we all know, the show must go on!” _

_A loud roaring followed from the crowd. Even though Tyler’s head still hurt incredibly bad, he very well understood that he was probably the first act the voice was talking about._

_Just as panic started settling in, the voice started speaking again. _

_“Ah, I appreciate the excitement, and I think our first act will as well… Oh well, I won’t bother you anymore. Give it up for Tyler Joseph!”_

_And Tyler tried to run as the dark red curtains slowly started opening. Escape the frightful thing that was about to happen. He wasn’t prepared, he wasn’t ready. But he couldn’t move, like he was being controlled and held up by strings, as if he was a puppet in a one of those theatre shows he went to as a kid. _

_It took his eyes a second to adjust to the bright stage lights shining down on him. When he looked down, his clothes had magically been changed into a nice red suit jacket with a white shirt beneath it and a tie around his neck, followed a black skinny jeans and black shoes with red socks that matched the jacket. He confusingly stared up again, in some way amazed by the sudden change. _

_All of a sudden, just as Tyler started wondering what was about to happen, what his act was gonna be, the melody of a song started playing. More specifically his song, that he wrote a couple of weeks ago. _

_A piano was the source of the music, stuffed to the back of the stage in the shadows, where none of the lights were on. He could vaguely see a person sitting behind it. All lights were pointed towards Tyler, and a feeling of anxiousness crawled up his chest. _

_The crowd was not visible, except for the what seemed like hundreds of glowing red eyes looking straight at him, peering through his soul. He felt incredibly vulnerable and overwhelmed by being the sudden focus of attention. _

_Just as he wondered what he should do, a microphone slowly came down from the ceiling, stopping just in front of his face. _

_Right on time he started singing the first words to the song._

_“hello, we haven’t talked in quite some time…”_

_~_

“Mom, dad, this is josh”

It was the 25th of December, which meant that the whole Joseph family had gathered in the dining room to eat Christmas dinner together. Just like each year, Tyler and his siblings had been allowed to invite a friend, and of course Tyler’s choice had been Josh. Even Brendon had agreed on the fact that Tyler needed to invite Josh instead of him (but asking him to definitely get some dick that night, at which Tyler blushingly shut him of). He had felt like he was a bad friend, but Brendon had reassured him that it was okay with him, besides, he was going on a date with a boy that day (Brendon had been sceptical about giving details to Tyler, so he sadly didn’t know much more).

So now he was introducing Josh to his family, something he definitely shouldn’t feel nervous about, considering that they were just friends, but he in fact was nervous about. Something about his parents liking Josh felt very important to him. It seemed like Josh felt the exact same way. He was nervously playing with his fingers as they were standing in the hallway of his home. This was one of the few times Tyler had actually seen him nervous, as he always seemed to beam with confidence.

“Nice to meet you Josh” His mom said, awkwardly shaking Josh’s hand that he had reached out for her to do so.

“Nice to meet you too, Mrs. Joseph” He gave her the most reassuring smile he could give, trying to lighten up the mood a bit. It was the first time he and Tyler had seen each other aside from school since Tyler’s birthday night. Of course they had texted, but it was of course different than seeing each other in person. And since they were already almost a week into the Christmas break, being stuck inside the house and not being able to meet up with other people had been incredibly boring to Tyler.

Mrs. Joseph gave Tyler a small smile as they walked towards the living room. It really seemed genuine to Tyler’s surprise.

The past few weeks his parents had been acting a bit curtly to him. They were still mad at him for skipping practise a few times, although it had lessened after his basketball team had won the game on his birthday. But even after that they still kept a close eye to his whereabouts, making sure that he went to practise and came home directly afterwards. Today his parents mood had luckily changed into a more happy mood. It was Christmas, and no matter what was going on, it always seemed to cheer up the Joseph family.

After watching tv and socialising a bit with his siblings (Zack had joked about how surprised he was that Tyler even had a friend), waiting for the dinner to be ready, the whole family was sitting at the dinner table. The whole meal went over quite silently, which really wasn’t something new to Tyler, but some questions were asked to Josh, since it was the first time his family had met him.

Luckily everyone seemed to have loosened up by the time dinner was served. Tyler’s siblings screamed from excitement as his mom served them a big chocolate cake as dessert.

And as they all ate their respective pieces of cake, a realisation hit Tyler.

The last time his mom had baked chocolate cake had been last June. It was a week before the family had moved, and Tyler had been in a very bad place. The depressed and anxious feelings had been too much for him to handle. He had cut himself one morning, not exactly with the reason of killing himself, but it had been too much.

His mother had found him on the floor of the bathroom, passed out because he had lost lots of blood. He had woken up in the hospital, his mom silently crying next to him.

“Why do you keep doing this Tyler?” She had asked. And although he knew that when she normally said that, when she would notice a scar on his arm, she would be disappointed. But this time she said it with the reason of caring. She seemed more hurt by seeing her son this way and not understanding it, than the actual hurt that the cuts on Tyler’s arm gave him.

“I don’t know mom” He had answered.

She had held his hand, as they both sat there in silence, tears flowing freely.

After a few hours Tyler had luckily been allowed to leave the hospital. The damage hadn’t been that bad, and after he had received some blood and the cuts had been bound up with bandage, he was allowed to leave again. His mom had reassured the doctors that he already had therapy, and that she would take care and talk with the psychiatric. He had been thankful for that, since he didn’t like hospitals.

After arriving home he had passed out on the couch because of tiredness, only to be awoken by the smell of freshly baked chocolate cake. He thought it was her way of saying that she did care about him in, in some way at least.

After that day a non-spoken rule of not speaking about the situation had been obtained. Tyler suspected that she had told his dad, but he knew that she probably had never told anyone else, as it would be a shame for the family. Neither had he.

That day had been the last time he had purposely harmed himself. It had been difficult, especially seen the circumstances at the beginning of the school year, but he had been “clean” ever since.

That day had been exactly 6 months ago.

And as Tyler sat there, eating his chocolate cake, his emotions became too much.

“Excuse, me, m-may I go to the toilet?”

And after he got permission he stormed out, not going to the toilet, but straight to his room instead.

The memories of his past, which seemed incredibly far away at this point, suddenly had hit him like a train. That only a simple chocolate cake could set of this all.

Tyler sat down onto his bed, bringing his knees to his chest and letting the tears flow. He didn’t exactly know why he cried. It just felt like all the cropped up emotions from the past few months suddenly needed to burst out in tears.

A knock on the door made Tyler lift his head from leaning against his knees. He didn’t respond; right now he just needed to be alone and cry.

The door opened and Josh walked in.

_Of course it needs to be him._

“Oh shit” Josh let out, walking towards the bed with a confused worried expression on his face.

Tyler looked down again, trying to prevent Josh from seeing his red and teary face. But his attempts were useless, since Josh had already reached the bed and seen his face, even though it was dark in the room.

Josh sat down next to Tyler on the bed. He fiddled with his hands again in his lap, just like earlier that evening. The situation made him feel uneasy, as he didn’t know what to do. Tyler didn’t blame him though. He also wouldn’t know what to do in such a situation. Besides that, just Josh being there made him feel more at ease. It calmed him down, the sobs becoming less irregular and the waterfall of tears becoming less. They sat there for a minute – Josh being very interested in his hands, Tyler trying to calm down – until Josh broke the silence.

“Can I- can I hug you?” He hesitantly asked.

Tyler lifted his head, a bit surprised that this was the first thing that Josh said. He nodded anyways.

Large arms were wrapped around Tyler’s frame, and Tyler completely collapsed on Josh chest, full on crying again.

Josh’s warmth made him feel safe, his arms tightly holding Tyler as if he had always been destined to be there. His smell made him feel safe, in a way he had never felt before.

Tyler told Josh everything that night. About his fears, his struggles, his depression, his attempt. During all this Josh didn’t let him go, and Tyler knew in a way that he understood.

His family luckily didn’t ask questions when they came back downstairs an hour later.

~

A cold breeze hit Tyler the moment he stepped out of the door. It was the first day of the new year, and a thin layer of snow covered the ground. The snow crunched under his feet as he made his way to the sidewalk, almost slipping over a few left over firework remnants from the night before. Everyone in the neighbourhood was still vast asleep, except the few people that were walking their dogs at the ungodly hour of 8am.

Tyler hadn’t had much sleep that night, so when he had laid awake in bed for some time after waking up at 6am, he had decided to go for a walk. He wasn’t grounded anymore, so no one could technically stop him. Besides, the rest of his family was still asleep.

After the Christmas fiasco, which in the end didn’t end up being that bad, his mom had invited Josh over again for New year’s eve. They had a lot of fun, shooting fireworks and eating food the whole evening. Josh left just after midnight, since he had to work the next day, and Tyler had been feeling a bit sad afterwards.

Hence why he was walking towards the forest on this cold January 1st. It took him about fifteen minutes to get there, walking through the dim lit city.

There it was, luring in front of him. Once he had made his way to the middle of the forest, to the fountain where he hadn’t been in such a long time, a peaceful feeling fell over him. He sat down on the little bench after whipping the snow off. He lately had been writing more, hence why he got a small leather bounded notebook and pencil out of the coat of his winter jacket. Without thinking much of it, he started writing, crossing out lines and adding words as he put his thoughts on the paper. After he was done, quite satisfied with what he had written down, he closed the notebook again, stuffing it back in his coat pocket together with the pencil.

He closed his eyes, appreciating the sounds of the forest and the cold winter air. A calm feeling settled in his body.

It must have been 30 minutes of him just sitting there with his eyes closed and appreciating the still nature surrounding him, before he heard a sound from behind him. A shrill laugh echoed, but before he could listen with more care, it had faded.

_Was that a laugh? _

He turned his head, still startled by the sudden loud noise, but didn’t see anything. His mind was probably playing tricks on him. He hoped so.

Confused by the weird occurrence, Tyler decided he had been here long enough. The sound or whatever it was had definitely scared him a bit, and the calmness he finally had been feeling had disappeared with it. He stood up from the bench, his limbs pretty stiff from the cold and sitting in the same position.

The sky had lightened up more since he had entered the forest, although the sun was still hidden behind the clouds. A ping came from his pocket as he walked towards the edge of the woods.

**Jishwa: ** _Hey, wanna come to the coffee shop? Shift ends in 15 min. :)_

**Tyler: ** _I’ll be there in a minute_

~

It took Tyler less than fifteen minutes to get there, and since the lack of sleep was taking its toll on him, he decided he could actually use some coffee. It had been some time since he had been at the coffee shop, and he thought back to when he had first come there a few months ago. The memories of him seeing Josh for the first time played through his head as he waited in line for his turn. He had been so awkward around him, and he cringed a bit as he thought back to that.

Soon enough it was Tyler’s turn, and brown almond shaped eyes met his as he stepped forward. A smile appeared on both of the boys faces.

“Hello sir, how can I help you?” Josh said in a pompous tone. 

Tyler tried not to chuckle at Josh’s overpoliteness, and decided to play along.

“May I have one Kopi Luwak, sir?”

_Ha. That buzzzfeed article about coffee was indeed useful after all. _

The other boy seemed surprised for a moment, but quickly returned in his role.

“I am so sorry sir, but to my dissatisfaction I must tell you that we currently can’t offer that”

“Oh what a shame! I was looking forward to drinking that delicious coffee! What do you offer otherwise, sir?”

“Mhm, well, offer a very special coffee, the recipe coming all the way from Sweden! It is called Kaffeost, sir.”

“Well, what does this “Kaffeost” exactly entail, if I may ask?”

A mischievous grin appeared on Josh’s face. 

“Essentially there is cheese named Leipäjuusto, which is derived from Swedish reindeer milk which later on gets soaked in the coffee, after which it is drunk. It gives off an outstandingly special taste.”

Now Tyler couldn’t keep his act straight anymore. (not that he ever was straight)

“Ieuwl, that’s so gross!”

“Yeah I know”

They both were now full on laughing, tears of laughter starting to form in the corners of their eyes as they received a few irritated looks from the waiting costumers.

~

Tyler took the last sip of his cappuccino as he walked towards the back of the building to meet Josh during his break. After they had eventually stopped laughing earlier on, he had made his order and sat down to drink his coffee, making sure to pick a place to sit from where he could observe Josh well, and for the rest of the other boy’s shift they had exchanged smiling looks to each other.

When Tyler walked around the corner, Josh was already outside next to the backdoor, talking to a pretty scary looking guy. He hesitantly got closer to them, when Josh looked up and saw Tyler, quickly turning back to the other guy who walked away. 

“What was that all about?”

“Oh, eh, nothing you should worry about”

“Oh, okay then.. “ Tyler could tell Josh was lying by the way he nervously ran his hand through his hair and avoided eye contact. He decided not to question any further though.

A lingering silence followed, and Tyler attempted to drink more of his coffee, which he quickly remembered was already empty, after which he walked towards the trashcan to throw his cup away. 

“You wanna go for a walk, Ty?” Josh hesitantly asked as the other boy returned, shyly smiling his way.

Butterflies filled Tyler’s stomach, hearing how Josh just called him Ty. He used to hate it when other people called him that way, but coming from Josh it didn’t seem half as bad. He blushingly returned a smile.

“Lead the way”

Josh took Tyler’s hand and started walking, Tyler stumbling behind him because of the sudden movement, only to bump against Josh a moment later, who had suddenly stopped and had quickly turned around. A big toothy smile (Tyler thought he melted) appeared on his face.

“Oh btw… Swedish Reindeer coffee?”

Tyler simply gave a smile back.

~

“So you’re not planning on going to college?” Tyler asked surprised. They were headed towards the back of the mall, their usual hangout and talking spot. The conversation had shifted towards basketball, and how Tyler’s parents wanted him to get a scholarship in it, which he actually didn’t want. He hadn’t mentioned that last part to Josh or anyone else though.

“Nope” Josh answered Tyler’s question, or rather statement, popping the p sound.

“But what are you planning on doing then?” Tyler chuckled, although he was genuinely curious about it.

“Well.. You’re probably just gonna make fun of me”

Josh shyly looked down at the ground, suddenly very interested in his doc. Martens.

“No, I won’t!” He caringly put his arm on Josh’s shoulder, letting go of the other boy’s hand and turning him to face him.

Josh looked back up with a shy smile.

“Really? Well, okay then… it might sound stupid, but I- I wanna play drums… like professionally”

Tyler thought he might have died at that point, looking at the other boy’s blushing cheeks.

_He looked incredibly cute when he was nervous, okay? Especially with that small smile and-_

He realised he hadn’t said anything back yet, and that Josh probably expected him to say something.

“Wow, that’s… so cool” He said smiling back at the nervously awaiting boy.

“You really think so?”

“Yup. And I know you can do it”

Josh chuckled

“You haven’t even heard me play yet!”

“Well, you never really mentioned it or asked me to listen to it”

“Yes, but you never asked to hear me either” Josh raised his eyebrows, but was still grinning.

“I’d love to tho”

Before he knew it was Josh taking his hand and making his way back to the direction they had come from in a rapid pace, causing Tyler to yet again stumble behind him and almost fall.

“Where are we going?” he managed to bring out, a bit surprised.

“I’m gonna drum for you” Josh turned around to look at Tyler, while he was still walking ,now backwards.

And if Tyler hadn’t already melted a few moments ago, he definitely was now. A twinkle was visible in Josh’s eyes, and it seemed like that wide smile was never going to leave his face.

_That boy is pure happiness._

Within a few minutes they arrived at the local guitar center store.

“I know the manager of this place, and he lets me play sometimes” Josh informed as they entered the store. Tyler looked around the store, amazed by the amount of different instruments that were displayed. Josh noticed the expression of the other boy and chuckled.

“You’ve never been to a guitar center before?”

Tyler blushingly shook his head as an indication of no. Now it was Josh’s turn to look surprised.

“Wow, well, you’ve missed out on all the fun”

He took Tyler’s hand and let him to the back of the store where a nice drum set had been set up. While doing this they passed a guy who excitingly greeted them. Tyler assumed that he was the manager Josh had told him about earlier.

Josh let go of Tyler’s hand and motioned for him to sit down in a chair opposite of the drum set, while sitting down behind the drum set himself. The normally very confident acting boy suddenly seemed to be nervous. A small silence fell over them.

“You ready?” He awkwardly said while picking up a pair of drumsticks.

For what seemed to be the hundredth time that day, Tyler felt like he melted away when Josh flashed him a small smile. He nodded his head, and the other boy started playing.

At first he kept an easy steady rhythm, still nervous about playing in front of _his crush. _

Because yes, Josh definitely had a crush on Tyler. And as he sat there playing drums, nervous for Tyler’s reaction, he could only think about him. The way he was so awkward and nervous and clumsy, but yet when they were having late night talks about the future and their hopes and dreams he would speak with much confidence and passion, a light in his eyes as he seemed to forget that the outside world existed. The way he would laugh if Josh made a joke, or how he would twist his hair when he was thinking deeply, seemingly lost in some other world. And even at his worse moments, when Josh needed to calm him down as he held a crying Tyler in his arms, he cared so much for him. He would feel so bad, feeling the other one’s sadness stab him like a knife, and all that mattered would be making that boy happy again. Even then he still loved him.

Because Josh loved him. He really did.

Josh, the hopeless drummer without any purpose in life, had fallen in love with this boy, and by that had found a purpose again.

And as he watched Tyler’s smile increasing as he fastened the drumming, creating more difficult rhythms and patterns, he felt happy. _He could kiss the boy out of happiness. Out of love. _

But he knew that Tyler wouldn’t want that. Yet.

They never really talked about sexualities and stuff, but he just _knew _the affection was mutual. Although he knew Tyler too well to know that he wasn’t ready. That boy had been through a lot and had only recently been getting his life back on the rails. He was still dealing with his own personal struggles. They had talked about it once, about relationships. Tyler had mentioned that he couldn’t see himself in a relationship, since he didn’t think anyone would even remotely like him (Josh definitely disagreed with that), and just because at that point in his life was too much for him to even think about, considering his depression and anxiety.

But oh well, a boy could hope.

All that mattered to Josh was seeing the shimmer in the other boy’s eyes and the amazed expression on his face as he finished drumming. Before he knew it, he came up to him and pulled the sweaty and out of breath drummer in a hug.

Josh chuckled “So you liked it?”

“Yeah” Tyler said, the sound muffled because he was still holding the other boy, and his face was pressed against Josh’s hair. It smelled nice.

And yeah, Tyler didn’t think he had ever seen someone playing drums with so much energy and so much passion. He loved it. _He loved this boy. _

Wow, that was a whole confession to make to himself. But he would think about that some more in another place and another time.

“I think you could make it” Tyler pulled back from the hug to look at Josh’s face. “like as a professional drummer”

“You really think so?” Now it was his turn to look amazed.

“Of course, I’ve never seen anyone drum as well as you do!” he chuckled “Not even Spencer, and he is like, really good”

And with that being said, Josh stood up and pulled Tyler back into a strangling hug, causing Tyler to squeak a laugh as he lifted him from the ground and twirled around. Tyler hugged him back once again as he was put down on the ground, a form of expressing the pure adoration they had for each other.

“Thank you” Josh mumbled, pressing a soft a quick kiss on the other boy’s forehead.

Tyler smiled softly, but it definitely felt like his organs had just completely exploded on the inside.

~

“Oh my god, Josh, what’s that for instrument?” Tyler suddenly said, pointing to what seemed like a small guitar on the wall.

Josh chuckled. “That’s a ukulele” Tyler had insisted on further exploring the music store.

“It’s so cute”

Josh had to stop himself from saying “just like you”.

“You wanna try to play it?” He said instead.

After a small nod from Tyler, Josh walked up to one of the employees named Dallon, Josh knew him quite well since he also was in a local band.

“Hi, Dal, my friend here wants to try and play this uke.”

“Ah, that’s nice, I can help out if you want to with chords and stuff.” Dallon walked up to the instrument and got it of the wall.

“So a ukulele has four strings, instead of six which are on a guitar”

He explained, carefully handing the ukulele over to Tyler, who for some magical reason directly put it in the right position, as if this small instrument was made for him.

He hesitantly strummed the strings without any chords with his finger on the frets, his eyes getting larger when hearing the sound that the tiny guitar made.

This contracted a laugh from Dallon. “I can teach you some chords if you want to?”

Tyler again gave the tall man a reassuring nod, and the next few minutes were spend with Dallon teaching Tyler a few simple chords while Josh stood there, admiring the scene with a big smile plastered on his face. He couldn’t be more happy, watching the joy that radiated from the boy he adored oh so much. That was until Dallon interrupted the playing. 

“So do you want to buy it?”

Tyler’s expression saddened by this question. Of course he wanted to buy it. But he didn’t bring any money, nor did he have enough money at all. Even though it was a small instrument, it had a beautiful shining finish and you could see that it was one of the more expensive ones.

He sighed, gently handing the instrument back to Dallon.

“I’m sorry, I-I’m afraid I don’t have enough money. And I also didn’t bring any money… I’m so sorry for wasting your time….”

Dallon, being the kind person he is, gave him a sympathizing smile.

“No, don’t apologize! It’s totally fine, most people that come here don’t directly buy instruments either; it doesn’t matter that you can’t afford it. Besides, it is my job to assist people here, so you’re not wasting my time.”

“Thank you, and, I might eventually come back and buy it” Tyler said.

Josh on the other hand smiled, already planning something in his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was supposed to be up before christmas, yet here we are. i actually wanted to make it even longer, but i also didn't want to leave anyone waiting any longer. sorry if this sucks and is poorly written, i've been dealing with some stuff lately and writing hasn't been one of my priorities...  
i'll hope to update soon, and i'll try to make the chapters a bit shorter again ;)
> 
> a.
> 
> (ps, did anyone notice the foreshadowing? things might take a whole different turn..)


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